A lot of talking is just moving the air around
Talking: I have often wondered why something that appears so simple or easy to do can become impossible with the people who mean the most to you. I am not referring to the mundane or superficial aspect of talking but meaningful heartfelt conversation.
How come it can sometimes be a struggle to talk honestly if we feel ‘stuck’ or deeply unhappy in our relationships? Or is it that we have tried several times to talk about important things only to be met with misunderstanding, being shut out or arguments that escalate into repetitive circular patterns.
How important is the quality of relating in your relationship?
Progress is made by understanding how to have connecting conversations and to learn the art of active listening with a receptive mind. This creates the possibility of moving beyond destructive patterns into meaningful conversation with the person you ‘once upon a time’ had strong positive feelings for.
The difficulty can be that once past the initial falling in love, we can be ill-equipped to communicate the important stuff in ways that are helpful. We may find that role models were not around or we try hard not to emulate parents/significant others; only to find ourselves with no map of our own.
In your relationship here are some themes to think about:-
• How do we talk so we can connect?
• How do we listen or not listen to each other?
• How do we talk about important subjects in a relationship or do we avoid them and hope they will resolve themselves?
• How do we respect our partner and seek to understand his or her world from their perspective, even if we don’t agree with their view?
• How do we take responsibility to care for ourselves individually, meet our own needs and goals to continue to develop and grow? (As this is what we bring into a relationship.)
• Is the quality of relating in your relationship enough for you?
If anything you have read so far resonates with you and you would like to make an appointment individually or as a couple- contact me.